In this episode, we will talk about The “Right Way” Myth and how this idea leads to disappointment and failure. We’ll learn how to identify the source, consider other options, and move out of our comfort zone to create successful change!
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[00:00:00] Welcome, I'm Kristi Backman. This is my podcast, Cultivating Creativity. It's about helping you build your creative life. Giving creatives a way to make space for artistic growth through the insights for the mind of an artist, instructor and art coach about the creative process and living that crazy creative life.
[00:00:27] In this episode, we will talk about the right way myth and how this idea leads to disappointment and failure. We'll learn how to identify the source, consider other options and move out of our comfort zone to create successful change.
[00:00:41] One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to tell me there is only one way to do something. And then of course that their way is right. I am a firm believer that the right way is the one that works for you. I always present information as a tool, explain how it's most often used and what results it can yield and then allow you to see what it can do for you. This allows for more innovation, creativity, and experimentation, all of which are learning tools. So, when information comes in labeled as the ‘right’ solution, I want you to consider three things…
[00:01:25] First, says who? Who are you? And did I ask for your opinion? This is a great place to start. When getting advice first, we want to consider the source. Do they have the insight to the issue, or are they simply an outside opinion? Are they a teacher, a mentor, an expert, or just a well-meaning but uninformed friend. When I'm getting advice. The first question I ask myself is the relevance of the speaker to the topic at hand. However, even if they are an expert, it doesn't mean that their advice is right for you. So, listen respectfully and then decide if you want to pursue it further.
[00:02:02] Another challenge is when a partner or a close loved one chimes in. Just remember you can listen to what they have to say, again respectfully. But you don't have to take their advice. This may take more conversations so they can see that you're giving their thoughts consideration, but in the end, while their interest is appreciated, you may go in a different direction, and they need to respect your decision.
[00:02:25] Another consideration is if the advice is solicited or unsolicited. I tend to value comments I seek out more than those thrown at me willy-nilly. If I ask for an opinion, that means I value what that person has to say, and I'm seeking out their specific perspective. I have reasons for doing that, which means more as I consider their comments, as opposed to someone simply sharing advice that I didn't ask for. And in most cases don't really want.
[00:02:53] The second consideration I want you to think about. Is “one size does not fit all”. The good and the bad news is there's not one right answer. Yes. It would be easier if there were, but there's really just not. I'm guilty of this myself, of hoping to find that one perfect solution. Especially when I'm doing something new. Plus, there's all these people out there telling you that this or that is the right way or the only way to do whatever it is you're trying to do now. I'm not calling them liars. I'm just saying that the reality is it was right for them. It worked for them, but it may or may not work for you. There are all these amazing success stories, and it works fantastically for those people, but sometimes no matter how hard you try, even if you meticulously follow the rules, it just doesn't work for you. And that's okay.
[00:03:48] What I have learned is to research several of these right ways. And see what resonates with me. I'll then try it and notice what happens if I don't get the results I'm looking. I adjust my methods or try something else. I take away the emotional judgment of good and bad of right or wrong and just observe the idea more objectively This way I avoid the trap that if it doesn't work, then there's something wrong with me. Which I don't know about you, but that's usually the first place that I go.
[00:04:20] One thing I did in art school, when I was looking for the ‘right way’ to become an artist was to research 10 of my favorite artists, to see what they did. And this was completely fascinating, and I totally recommend you do this as well. As no one that I looked at did the same thing. Several of them were not even taken seriously or known within their lifetime. And some of the other methods were simply out of the question for me. So, the conclusion I came to is to just make art and be true to myself. And those are the only things I can absolutely control. I can certainly do other things to promote my career, but I found that the takeaway is simply making good art.
[00:05:02] So the fact that there's no single way to achieve success in the art world is actually good news. As artists are not traditionally rule followers. Plus, we're inherently creative. So, we have the means to problem solve solutions that work for us.
[00:05:20] The third aspect I want you to consider. Is the comfort zone and growth. The comfort zone is a great place to hang out, but it's not where things get done. Growth and change happen outside the comfort zone. The challenge is when we get advice to determine if our resistance comes those actions being outside our comfort zone, or simply that they're not a good fit. Consider if it's taking you outside your comfort zone in a way you can deal with to achieve the results. And if those actions are in alignment with your values. Because there are times where it's really uncomfortable, but it's totally a great solution. If you're unsure, dig in deeper to your resistance, start playing the ‘why’ game with all of your responses until you find the core of your resistance. So if you say to yourself, I really don't want to do this. Okay. Why? And drill down and drill down until you get to the real reason you don't want to do that. This will allow you to see if it's really uncomfortable or just not the solution for you.
[00:06:27] Further identifying and understanding why something is not a good fit can be really helpful when you're presented with other options. Don't worry. This takes practice and it's still something I work on. I love my comfort zone. It's well, it's comfy.
[00:06:44] Sifting through all the information out there to find what will work for you can be really challenging. You can find yourself spinning in circles, just wanting off the ride. So, before you get overwhelmed, know that you can do this! Consider the three factors I presented to help you evaluate some of these right things that people tell you to blaze your own trail and discover your own solution. If you need support with this, I'm here to help. Check out my coaching program Direction: Identifying a pathway for your art practice. I have a couple of spots open right now and together we can figure out your right way.
[00:07:24] I hope you found this helpful. It's important to start from a place of authenticity that will work for you. That is the right way. If you enjoyed this, make sure to subscribe to my podcast and follow me on Instagram. See you next time!